Saturday, July 16, 2011

Solving the National Deficit

Texting still baffles me.

Used to be, I found that I'd never text anyone. No way, no how.
If someone texted me with the inane message, "Wat u up to"
I would simply call the sender with an actual phone call from my cell phone.

You know -- like God intended.
They would never answer.


You just sent a digital message to me that required you to poke at least eleven keystrokes onto your device, you dolt, and now you haven't the ability to hit one button that enables us to speak at 250 wpm?

So, yes, there have been moments when I did text someone;  tiny blurbs of info that I think someone should receive in digital form.

With one friend of mine, I'll  text her with one word here and there to remind myself what we should remember to talk about when we DO talk.

She'll say, "Okay, you've got
'Amish' and 'beagle' and 'Sea-bean' and 'dog poo'. .
. . Go!"

And, we're off! . . it works.

That's one instance when texting has been beneficial.

But I walk down the street and, just about everyone I pass, I think, "They send text messages. What are they sending that they don't want to talk about?"

That's what texting seems to be all about; that young people are essentially reluctant to verbalize their thoughts to one another; just a huge, vacuous, digital vent.

Here are two proposals to solve the nation's deficit:

1)  A ten-cent charge-per-keystroke to every text.
All revenue would go to the Social Security and Medicare treasury.

Spoiled children without an ability to control yourselves?  
You've just caused our national revenue to skyrocket, you little darlings.

Make all cell phone calls free. (and voice mails -- and translate all voice mails into emails)
Let's actually speak to each other like human beings. 

What an idea!

2) A Discourse Article Fee

Every time that anyone under the age of 30 uses the word, "like" as a useless discourse article, their cell phone charges them five dollars and adds it to the National Treasury.

"I just, like, asked him if he'd, like, take me to, like, the Justin Bieber concert and he was, like, 'Why should I, like, take you' and I was, like, 'cause you should, and then I was, like, . . ."
Thirty-five dollars every fifteen seconds times forty-thousand.

Dang it.
I think I've just about solved the national financial crisis.

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At 10:31 AM , Blogger Bob said...

So, when are you gonna announce your run at the White House?

As one who does not text, EVER, this will not affect me at all.


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