Thursday, November 18, 2010


I know this might sound a bit morbid, but I’m filling out paperwork to have my remains donated to science upon my demise. Of course, I don’t plan on demising anytime soon, but it’s just something I’ve been meaning to do for some time now.

Being single, I don’t envision hoards of loved ones wailing at my tombstone after I’m gone. And have you seen how much it costs to have a funeral these days? I don’t want any of my life insurance proceeds being spent on that, nor do I want to burden any family or friend with having to make all those arrangements.

And please. I certainly don't want something sappy done with my ashes like having them scattered at my favorite outdoor spot while bagpipes skirl in the distance.

I don't like any of the outdoors; bagpipes even less.

If I had to select a favorite place, it would probably be Trader Joe's. But I hardly think the good people there would appreciate ashes being festooned in the aisles.

I like recycling a lot. The fact that a plastic bottle can be used again as pillow stuffing makes me happy. Why not have my remains benefit the medical profession as much as possible? It’s the ultimate in "going green".

Just for the record, my recycling center is the Anatomical Gift Associaton of Illinois.

Here’s something interesting: It’s not just medical students that benefit from studying the cadaver. It’s also used to test new surgical instruments and all sorts of things. For up to two years, one's remains are utilized. Did you know that?

The remains are then cremated and interred according to state law. Or, a family member can pay for the cremation and have the ashes shipped to them. (I’ve selected the former option.)

I’ll have a donor card kept in my wallet and a couple of family members and friends will have the documentation on hand.

Yes, I know, there is the fact that medical students will see my naughty bits. It’s something they should get used to. More than likely, my size 10 EEEEEE feet will draw attention away from that.

I can just see it now. The teaching surgeon will be saying, "And here, inside the scrotum one can find the coil of vas deferans . . . oh my gosh! Look at those FEET!"

Student: "How did he ever get shoes to fit?"

Another student: "He probably had to special-order them from Zappos."

But like I said, I don’t plan on demising anytime soon. I’m drinking two quarts of green smoothies every day and running two miles a day.

I’m going to live forever.

But if the day comes, I find comfort in knowing I’ll be recycled.


At 4:48 PM , Blogger Speck said...

Ohhh, excellent option! Good for you! I'd do the same but I don't think my family would go for it. They're acting kinda dodgy about my request for cremation.

I'm not a fan of ash scattering. I have a nagging suspicion that the goo in the ashes somehow gets into the groundwater then into our drinking water. I know the 6000° crematoriums probably take care of anything icky, but still.

I'll all for the cremation process. Burying a body in a coffin seems so wasteful somehow, of time, effort and money. I don't care what my family does with my ashes. I hope they don't keep them on the mantle or in the attic. That's ridiculous (eyeroll). They can bury them in my cemetery plot if they want so my cremains don't mistakenly get sold at a yard sale years down the road.

I do want a tombstone though. It may be the only tangible evidence of my existence on this little blue marble.

At 10:12 PM , Blogger Mom said...

I've done the same thing.At my memorial service my kids will say that I have finally gone to medical school.

At 12:04 AM , Blogger Br. Jonathan said...

Mom: I like that!

Only, I'll probably get tossed out in a field where they conduct forensic studies on cadavers to see how fast they rot.

At 12:34 AM , Blogger Miss Healthypants said...

LOL! Dude, this was really funny. Really. Loved it! :)

At 9:50 AM , Blogger Bob said...

I like the idea very much.
I am not for cemeteries ro ashes tossed about either. In fact, I've often told Carlos that when I go, just set me out at the curb with the recycling.
Your way seems better.


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