Thursday, December 01, 2005

Top Supermodel Seeks Hand Reduction Surgery

New York, NY America's top supermodel, Xander Pilar, having grown increasingly displeased with the size of her hands has enlisted a team of reconstructive surgeons and orthopedic specialists in order to undergo a rare hand-reduction procedure.

"I just can't stand the sight of my large hands," reports Pilar. "They just seem to be growing larger every day and so I've had to take drastic measures in order to protect my career."

Although her orthopedic specialist, Dr. Everett Scott, has seen no evidence of her hands actually growing larger, he concurs with Ms. Pilar's wishes to undergo this radical procedure.

"Ms. Pilar's hand certainly do appear to be disproportionally large for her frame. I'm completely at a loss as to why her hands seem to be growing larger. However, knowing the physical demands that her profession places on her, I wholehearteldly support her endeavor to reduce the size and appearance of her hands."

Pilar's team of reconstructive surgeons have expressed their concern's regarding this radical procedure. Dr. Louis Reinstein, head of the surgical team explains:

"Reduction of the hands is an extremely extensive and risky procedure. It requires removing sections of all ten of the metacarpii and at least sixteen phalanges, bone grafting, in addition to hours of nerve and tendon reconstructions."

Dr. Reinstein continues. "We've cautioned Ms. Pilar regarding the extensive recovery period, not to mention the excruciating pain that will inevitably follow. However, she's adament about reducing the size of her hands. I have many patients who are in the modeling profession and while I've advised them against this procedure, I have admire Ms. Pilar's dedication to her profession.


At 9:59 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dooder, you're so silly! *smiles*

Hey, I'll send you a quick e-mail in a minute...I just got home from my "performance"! :) It went well, but I'm TIRED now!!!!


Poodle :)

At 6:49 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

that picture is hilarious....
and gross

At 11:14 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

her hands would be proportionate if she had some meat on her bones! This whole story is a true joke and she should not be a lab rat for these questionable doctors. anyone that would entertain the idea of this kind of surgery. looking at the condition of this girl, is as seriously lacking and as sick as she is. these doctors cant honestly be serious!

At 5:22 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why is this story about her hands??? I'm completely and extraordinarily mortified by the photo. WTF!?!?! Someone please explain to me why anyone took a picture of her, she's sick. As in really f*#*ing sick. She needs to be rehabilitated immediately....... Sometimes I'm truly ashamed to be a fan of the fashion industry, this is definitely one of them.

At 12:48 PM , Blogger Br. Jonathan said...

Anonymous: This is satire. None of it is true. I wrote it simply to make fun of the fashion industry's models.


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