Festivus

I have never owned any holiday decorations or put up a Christmas tree.

Not once. Ever.

As I’ve mentioned before, I just don’t “get” physical surroundings, decorations, or objects in general.

I’m oblivious to “things.”

I’ve taken the Myers-Briggs personality profile a half dozen times in the past. Every time, the evaluator remarks that I have all 20 points in the “Intuitive” category and absolutely Zero points in the “Sensing” category.

The “Intuitive” category lists an attribute as, “comfortable with ambiguous, fuzzy data and with guessing its meaning.”

Neat!

The “Sensing” category lists someone who “likes clear and concrete information; dislikes guessing when facts are ‘fuzzy’".

When my co-worker dislikes my fuzzy facts, I want to shoot him with an Animal Kingdom tranquilizing dart.

So, I don’t like “things” around me.

I seem to have the opposite obsession to "hoarding." I get an endorphine 'high' when I'm able to get rid of things. For example, every morning, I really do try to take something from inside my apartment and get rid of it down the trash chute. The day just doesn't seem to be "valid" otherwise.

Anywhoo . . . .

Do you remember the Festivus holiday from Seinfeld?

“Festivus” was the holiday for those who do not want to celebrate Christmas (or any holiday) and all its commercial trappings.

“Festivus for the Rest of Us!" was the slogan.

When I learned that Festivus was celebrated by erecting a single, six-foot, galvanized steel pole, I said, “That’s for me!!!”

Three years ago, I bought an authentic Festivus Pole. I put it up every year and I love it. It's simple and takes 30 seconds to put up and take down. Holiday decorations take up a tiny, wittle-bitty portion of my dwelling space.

As it should be.

Every holiday season, I admire the flicker of my HD television and my PC screen reflecting on my Festivus Pole. When I see that, I know that Christmas is right around the corner.

Here is my Festivus Pole, silhouetted against the winter sky fifty stories above downtown Chicago.

Now doesn’t that impart the warm feeling of the infant Jesus and the importance of Christ’s birth to all the world?

It does to me.

Okay, the other tradition of Festivus is to display the “Feats of Strength.”

As I erected my Festivus Pole yesterday, my friends and I all demonstrated our respective Feats of Strength.

For example, Diane can annihilate Iwanski in a very weird sort of body-wrestling. We tried to get it on video but never succeeded. It was sort of like trying to capture Bigfoot on film.

As far as my Feat of Strength, I have the strange ability of being able to turn my feet backward 45 degrees behind me. I had forgotten about that until the Festivus Season prompted me to do so. Everyone went “Eeewww”!

But Iwanski did get it on film. Sigh - - - we all have our gifts. .

Happy Festivus, Everyone.