Behold and Lo

When it comes to anything to do with home remodeling, painting, refurbishing, I will admit that I have compiled five complete decades of ineptitude along these lines.

Really, I am not kidding.

My Meyers-Briggs psychological profile really substantiates the fact that I pretty much don't respond to any outside physical stimuli or surroundings.

(I am an I-N-F-J with all 20 points in the 'N' and zero points in the "S")--the evaluators have said that they've never seen that configuration before.

I never really wanted children or an herb garden anyway. Apparently, I shouldn't be responsible for either.

I enjoy constructing things because it involves physical thinking in the abstract. When I was eight years old, I could make an Erector Set or Tinkertoys just "sing" as long as I didn't have to follow instructions.

I barely passed high school Algebra. (I think I actually failed Algebra II). I made a D in Chemistry.
I aced Geometry and recall arriving at shorter proofs than the teacher.

When it comes to actual realization of physicality, I'm pretty much a gonner -- I might "see" something but I'm pretty much clueless as to what it truly is.

I cannot draw worth a dern.

I have lived in my new apartment for two months now, have spent countless hours painting the bathroom, and it was just yesterday that I noticed that the tiles on the bathtub and the floor were a different color. I had always presumed they were the same but, lo and behold, they're not.

Why do we always say 'lo and behold'?

Do we really know what that means?

"I had always presumed they were the same but, behold and lo, they're not."

OOooh. I like that, don't you?

Don't you just love it when a little twist or unexpected inversion makes you think of things just a little differently?

Anyway, when I moved into my new apartment, the bathroom walls were an absolute mess. Of course, I didn't think so because they just looked 'white' to me.

But my gay buddies Who Know Everything About Interior Creation came to my rescue.

They swooped in and told me that my bathroom walls were a white disaster -- that there were dings and uneven lines everywhere. Someone had apparently taken hammer to the wall at some point.

"Really?"

I needed to contact an Emergency Spackling Consortium before I could even THINK of applying primer which would THEN enable me to paint my bathroom but ONLY if I got the right level of eggshell semi-gloss.

Oh my God!

Then, I discovered that some of the wall beside the bathtub actually had to be repaired.

Walls being repaired.??

Okay, this is completely outside of my skills set.

I had to, first, figure out if my wall was sheetrock or regular wall-wall.
Really.

I couldn't paint a straight line to save me.

But I spackled and re-spackled and sanded and re-spackled and sanded some more until it looked smooth.

Then I applied primer.

Then I took a sedative, took a week off, changed therapists, and had food delivered.

THEN I painted my little bathroom Van Deusen Blue.

Then I went to Bed Bath & Beyond-My-Budget and actually bought towels to match.
(my previous towels were from Target and were aqua and chocolate, so picture that)

Here is my new bathroom. It used to be completely white with lines and pot holes and a really nasty toilet paper dispenser.

Now, check it out! See how smooth the walls are? They weren't like that at all before.


I also had to re-do the dressing room. It had horrible white walls as well.

I told Speck that I liked the color "apricot" and she kindly informed me that I was SO living in the eighties.

Fine!

My dressing room is NOT apricot - - it's a very expensive shade called Tooty Fruity that my gay buddies Who Know Everything About Interior Creation picked out for me when I told them that I liked apricot so they got me this shade called Tooty Fruity.

(But it's really a faaaabulous shade of apricot and I love it.)


Doesn't that look fantastic??
This room used to be white with all sorts of banged-up walls.

Notice the faux crown molding along the ceiling? Speck taught me how to do that. Also the faux trim along the bottom. See how smooth and shiny those walls are?
That's all ME, baby.

BTW -- If any of you ever come over, do NOT touch that lower towel rack because it will fall off.

I don't know how to really install new towel racks yet.