Grapefruit?

It’s been a week since my surgery where I had a lipoma removed from inside my "arm pitular area." All week, I’ve had this plastic tube stuck in my side that ran up to the incision area that drained “drainage” into a little plastic pouch taped to my chest. The thing was ever-so convenient and not exactly comfortable.

Anyway, I went for a follow up appointment yesterday with the surgeon so that my little drainage-buddy could be removed. I have to say that was really glad to get rid of this thing. Now I know just how Jesus felt with that sword-in-the-side ordeal.

Anyway, the surgeon guy reported that the growth he removed was completely benign -- always good to hear.

Then he gave me some shocking news. He said, “This thing had legs.”

I had only detected a lump under my arm, just like Debra Winger had done in Terms of Endearment, remember? But surgeon-guy said that it extended down pretty deep and was even under my pectoral muscle.

“But I don’t have pecs,” was my immediate thought.

When I had gone in for an evaluation before the surgery, he said that my lipoma was lime-sized. Now, he was telling me that it had been -- are you ready for this --- the size of a grapefruit.

Oh my gosh!

We went from lime-sized, leaped clear over lemons and oranges, and went for grapefruit comparisons.

It "had legs" and was the size of a friggin grapefruit. Right then, I envisioned that scene from Alien where that thing burst out of the guy’s chest at the dinner table.

He had gotten it all out. No wonder I felt like crap all week long.

The surgeon-guy proceeded to remove the tube which hurt a good bit and then gave me a clean bill of health.

“Come see us again if you need anything else removed,” he chirped.

I should continue taking my Vicodin even though the pain has subsided -- Especially now that I know something the size of the largest citrus fruit had been gouged out of me.

Sheesh!