Boycott Crabs!

I have a new mission in life; one that I feel very passionate about and has provided me with a direction toward which I can focus my newfound energy.

After seeing my favorite channels inundated with back-to-back documentaries about how dangerous crab fishing is, I would like to campaign for a complete boycott of king crab.

These crab guys are in constant danger of being swept overboard into violent, Arctic waters in their attempt to supply us with juicy and delectable crabs to eat. It just doesn’t make sense to me.

There’s even an entire TV series that highlights this dangerous profession called Deadliest Catch. I think it’s now in its fifth season. In every episode, some poor guy gets maimed or swept overboard into the Bearing Sea just so we can feast away on king crabs.

I just don’t see the point. It’s not like king crab is a necessary world commodity, like oil or high-def TV or tattoo ink. Frankly, they're way too tedious and messy to eat in my opinion.

I see these guys risking their lives in sub-zero temperatures and yelling at each other a lot and I find myself telling them, “Don’t DO that!”

But apparently, these crab guys can make a lot of money at this endeavor. So, that’s where we come in. It’s time for us to ensure their safety by not eating anymore crabs. At all.

If we all stop eating crabs, then there won’t be a market for them and these guys won’t have to participate in such nonsense. Like I said, all they seem to do is constantly holler at each other. They obviously aren't enjoying themselves.

And then my Documentary Channel can devote more time to episodes about Bigfoot - - like God intended.