How Much is that Doggy in the Window?

There are reports that Beijing officials have banned the serving of dogs in local restaurants while the Olympics are being held.

I’ll admit that the act of butchering, cooking and eating Man’s Best Friend is repugnant to me. There have been dogs that I’ve loved dearly and the thought of them meeting such an end makes me shudder.

However, I’ve always had somewhat of a distaste for eating meat of any kind; animal cadavers if you will. I don’t make chicken or beef stock because a vegetarian friend of mine once referred to it as “corpse tea.” (Actually, that’s what it is).

I remember my grandmother’s incredible vegetable-beef soup. She’d make the beef stock from scratch which was a two-day process. Julia Child would have been duly impressed. Even though I was about eight years old, I could eat bowl after bowl of that stuff. However, I’d meticulously pick out all the chunks of meat from my bowl and lay them to the side; an action which would bring a few words of disdain from dear Granny.

It’s funny how we view eating meat from certain animals. Once, I was at an Indian restaurant and ordered goat curry. The friend of mine who was with me was absolutely horrified at the thought of eating goat. There was absolutely NO WAY he would try a bite.

He grew up in Chicago. I grew up in South Texas where cabrito (roasted baby goat) was not uncommon. I had eaten kid since I was a kid. On the other hand, I would never DREAM of putting ketchup and tomatoes on a hot dog like they do in Chicago.
That's just wrong.

As for eating dogs, I think perhaps that way back in our human DNA, we’ve a natural aversion to eating carnivores. After all, our early ancestors instinctually ran away from wolves, tigers, snakes and the like; the faster, the better. On the other hand, they sought and tracked the herbivorous deer, rabbit and even a wooly mammoth or two.

Maybe some of that instinct is still in us as we make menu selections.

I think it’s awfully inconsistent for anyone to protest the hunting of baby seals and then high-tail it in to Outback Steakhouse. Baby seals are cute and cuddly and we don’t like the idea of them being whacked to death. But if everyone saw what goes on at a slaughterhouse, Outback would be out of business.

So, shame on the Beijing city officials for taking "bao-wao" off the menu just to appease our messed up ideas of politically correct food.

That gives me an idea for a restaurant here in Chicago. . . .

Over on LaSalle Street, there’s a place called The Humane Society where one can go and adopt a cute kitty or doggy. They have them all in the window so passers-by can go “awwwww” as they head to Outback to masticate on bludgeoned cows.

We all know what happens to those that don’t get adopted. It’s sad and tragic.

So, I’d like to open a restaurant across the street called “The Inhumane Society.” Instead of all the dogs and cats getting gassed, the shelter can just give them to me at the restaurant. They would become that day’s "Catch of the Day."

Zero food cost! And talk about being “green”. . .

And with all the protesting, I would have no advertising overhead at all.

It would certainly be a unique place to eat. Every diner could buy a t-shirt that says, “I Ate German Shepherd Pie at the Inhumane Society.” Every tourist in Chicago would want to eat there just to say they had done so.

I may be onto something here. . .

Of course, if Chicago gets to host the 2016 Olympics, I’d have to close down.

After all, Beijing has set the precedent.