Crunch Update

Okay, I can quit banging on my high chair about Crunch Fitness.

I'm sure all the major news networks have reported this, but Crunch will be closing down the facility that I use on July 31st. That means that I’ll have the inconvenience of actually walking five whole blocks in order to walk on a treadmill at another facility.

The mind reels.

As I began to relate to the Katrina victims, I had been thinking that the horrible, inconsiderate Crunch people should give us some sort of compensation for this colossal upheaval in our lives.

It turns out, they did.

I found out last night that we will all receive the following compensation:

1. Three free months of membership.

2. Our monthly memberships will be reduced by ten dollars, permanently.

3. All our memberships will be changed to “universal” ones at no cost. In other words, we’ll be able to use any Crunch nationwide.

Actually, this is pretty good compensation for being displaced.

My workplace actually pays us $50 per month toward a gym membership. Since my Crunch membership will now be $56 per month, I'll be out-of-pocket six whole dollars per month to have a universal Crunch membership.

A situation like that is the ultimate dream of My People.

I should put away the high chair. Really.

Since I know you all were incredibly concerned about my happiness and welfare, I’m sure you're all breathing a huge sigh of relief over this news.