Tempeh Nightmare

Well, so much for my foray into eating vegan things.

I was doing all well and good until I got hold of some bad tempeh.

For those of you who don’t know what tempeh is, well, it’s a fermented soybean-and-grain product from Indonesia.

For those of you who don’t know where Indonesia is, well, it’s that country below Japan consisting of ten-gajillion islands where they make tempeh.

So, since tempeh is a fermented product, it’s already “bad.”

I bought three versions of it and have been eating it merrily away for the past week. I dice it into little cubes, fry it until crispy and season it with soy sauce.

I’ve been making sandwiches with it consisting of Vegenaise fake-mayonnaise and lots of sweet pickles.

Well, it turns out that the third pack of tempeh must have been a little too fermented. I had my sandwich for lunch yesterday (Sunday) and by Sunday night I was the most nauseous puppy that ever existed.

It was that kind of nausea where you just WISH you could throw up, but never really do.

However, it was accompanied by the worst diarrhea ever imaginable; like when they release water at the base of Hoover Dam to lower the water level of Lake Mead.

My body was just telling the tempeh, “Get out, GET OUT, GET OUT!!!!”

But the nausea wouldn’t go away. The only relief came from a big dose of Immodium with a Valium chaser.

I finally fell asleep around 3:00 am. And I made it to work.

I had soup and crackers for lunch.

God, just the thought of eating another bit of tempeh is revolting. However, I could really go for a Double-Bacon-Whopper right about now.