The Sperm Song

I love calling my friend, Jack, because every time he answers, he's laughing hysterically.

Here's why:

Twenty years ago, Jack and I watched the Monty Python film, "The Meaning of Life."

In the opening segment, there's a satirical depiction of a Roman Catholic mother who, obviously, has no means of birth control. Her drawers fall to the floor while she's washing dishes, her water breaks between her feet, a baby plops down, and she says, "Oh, Diedre, would you pick it up, please?"

The father of the family has about a hundred children around him as he breaks out into song, extolling the virtues of Roman Catholic reproduction.
Here's a video of the scene

Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.

Let the heathen spill theirs
On the dusty ground.
God shall make them pay for
Each sperm that can't be found.

Every sperm is wanted.
Every sperm is good.
Every sperm is needed
In your neighbourhood.

Hindu, Taoist, Mormon,
Spill theirs just anywhere,
But God loves those who treat their
Semen with more care.

Anyway!
The reason Jack finds this so funny is this:

We saw this film together twenty years ago. It was hilarious because he was a minister in one large church in Dallas and I was an organist at another large church in Dallas. Then, one Sunday, Jack attended the large church in Dallas where I was an organist.

It was our little secret. The priest at this church was an absolute, narcissistic, militant asshole and we hated him. So, I suggested that Jack might like to be present at this particular Mass . . . .And I played "The Sperm Song" during communion.

Because my friend, Rev. Jack, was in the audience, I disguised the melody to Monty Python's "The Sperm Song" during the communion meditation music at this HUGE church in Dallas.

Rev. Jack was there among the congregants, and having a very good laugh. He cast a knowing look to me during Communion while I played "The Sperm Song" on this organ, disguised as a churchy-Bach-type-meditative thing.

Twenty years later: Jack has an iPhone which enables him to download ring-tones of just-about-anything. He's downloaded the soundtrack to "The Sperm Song" from Monty Python's "The Meaning of Life."

"The Sperm Song" is now my ring-tone on his iPhone.

We've spoken to each other just about every day for the past twenty years. Lots of familiarity; lots of water under the bridge. . .

. . . But now, whenever he he answers my calls, there's lots of hilarity on the other end. My ring-tone is a full chorus of:

"Every sperm is sacred
Every sperm is good
Every sperm is needed
In your neighbourhood. . ."

I love that.

Having been in the ministry and friends for twenty years, "The Sperm Song" as my ring-tone on his iPhone is, indeed, cause for unalloyed laughter with every connection.

Isn't that what good friends are for?