LAS VEGAS - Yesterday's Immigrant Day protests did more than disrupt the food service and landscaping industries on which millions of Americans have come to depend. When thousands of undocumented prostitutes took the day off to march in rallies across the United States, American "escorts" were forced "to do the jobs no one else wanted" in order to keep the industry afloat."
Damn! Thos
e immigrant chicks can really get after it!" reported Susan "Cinnamon" Weinberg, a long-time escort in Las Vegas."I never worked so hard in my life as I did when they took yesterday off to march in their parade. And you wouldn't believe the [expletive] trolls I had to put up with."
Cinnamon drew on a cigarette and exhaled, "And what's with the [expletive] donkey, anyway? I don't ever want to see those girls get shipped back! No [expletive] way."
Shannon Sharone, an exotic dancer at The Thirsty Beaver in San Antonio, Texas, concurred:
"Man, yesterday was hell. After I finished my pole dancing shift, I had to fill in doing lap dances. The tips really sucked. I don't think I could stay in this business if those girls got deported and I had to go back to doing lap dances."
Cody Buck, who is listed on Jox-4-U.com, an online male escort service, noted a huge increase in bookings during Immigrant Day."
You wouldn't believe the stuff these guys were expecting me to do," said Buck. "And for half the price! Most of the time I didn't even know what they were talking about. What the hell is a 'burro grande' anyway?"
Buck thought for a moment, then continued. "At first I didn't care one way or the other about amnesty, but after yesterday, I realized there's no way I could survive in this business without the immigrants doing the low-paying dirty work."
Elsewhere, President Bush has proposed that next year's Cinco de Mayo celebrations be renamed "The Fifth of May" in retaliation for the national anthem being recently performed in Spanish.
Bwah to the haha.
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