Turkeys

I couldn’t think of something to write about right away. Turkeys came to mind, so I’ll write about turkeys.

The first time I made a roast turkey, I was young, naïve and completely unaware that there was a bag frozen innards that come inside each turkey. Into the oven it went. After a few hours, there was still blood coming out of the middle and the damn thing wouldn’t get done. It was horrible.

When it finally got done and the mysterious bag was extracted, I found that it was inedible. The whole thing had this weird, bloody, livery taste. Definitely not what turkey should be about. Lesson learned.

Years later, when I was older and wiser and living in Canada, I went to buy a turkey for Christmas dinner. I needed a big one since at least a dozen people were expected.

I found a nice twenty-pound turkey but are you ready for this? It cost sixty-five dollars! I was thinking, “Was this turkey raised on wild baby truffles or something? Geez!” I guess all turkeys in Canada have to be imported from the U.S. and need passports to get into the country.

Anyway, I couldn’t find room in the freezer to keep it, but then I realized: “This is winter in Canada. The entire outdoors is a giant freezer.” So, I just kept the turkey on the back porch until it was time to thaw it. (And I removed the nasty innards which made a nice feast for the cat.)

Stuffing/Dressing: My grandmother made this wonderful cornbread dressing that contained Jimmy Dean sausage, jalapenos and lots of green onions. I still make it from time to time. They even liked it in Canada.

I've also made an "Autumn Stuffing" that had apples, shredded carrots, pecans, etc. It was nice and different.

However, I still think the best one is the simple chestnut stuffing featured in the old red-and-white Good Housekeeping cookbook that our mothers received when they got married. Remember that old thing? That chestnut stuffing is still the best and can't be beat. It's a pain in the butt, though, peeling all those chestnuts. But worth it.

My brother in Texas makes the most fantastic fried turkeys. Before frying, he injects them with a mixture of melted butter, liquid onion, liquid garlic and pureed jalapenos. Thanksgiving never tasted so good . . .

Okay. I’m through talking about turkeys.