Tabby Tennis

Beijing Members if the International Olympic Committee (IOC) have announced the inclusion of a new competition that will debut at the games of the XXIX Olympiad in 2008. "We are pleased to announce the inclusion of 'tabby tennis' as a competitive sport for the upcoming Olympics in 2008," reported Chinese Premier, Wen Jaibao.

"For years, the stereotype of Chinese serving cats in our restaurants has been perpetuated. Now that Beijing will be hosting the Olympics, we just want to take this opportunity to show the world that we have other uses for our feline friends."

In tabby tennis, the tennis balls have been replaced with various breeds of tabby cats resulting in a highly action-packed spectator sport.

"We tried playing with all kinds of breeds, but the long-haired ones such as your Himalayans and Persians resulted in excessive single and double-faults," claims International Paralympic Committee president, Philip Craven. "The tabbys provided the best results and were certainly not expensive to breed for this venue."

Eloise Fleck has been a tennis umpire for 17 years: "Tabby tennis is much easier to umpire. Half the time I really can't tell if those little Gatorade-colored balls are in or out of bounds. But making a call on a fifteen-pound cinnamon tabby makes my profession so much easier!"

Seventeen year-old Jason Moore agrees: "I've been a ball-boy since I was twelve. Chasing balls around can get pretty boring but now that I'm a tabby-boy, I never get tired of the game. Besides, I don't have to run around as much especially when there's a single-fault against the net."

He ponders a moment. "The only part I don't like is after an overhead forehand smash. It can get kinda gross."

Joyce "Coriander" Robinson, president of the worldwide PETA association explained her reaction: "Naturally, I was initially outraged at this activity. But then when I learned that the synchronized swimming events were cancelled to make way for tabby tennis, well, that won me over in a hurry."

The introduction of tabby tennis into the Olympic Games will probably open the door for other competitive sports that utilize cute, furry animals. Plans are already in the making to introduce hamster badminton, puppy rugby, and weasel water polo at the London games in 2012.