Friday, September 11, 2015

Josh Duggar Christian Confession Resurrects Ashley Madison Site

The recent confession of repeated infidelity from American Family Association’s poster-boy, Josh Duggar, has not only resurrected the flailing Ashley Madison social networking service for those seeking extra-marital affairs, but has resulted in a huge surge of highly-paid memberships to the online dating service after the notorious hacking of its site.

“When our membership names were hacked and published, frankly, I thought we were done for,” reported Ashley Madison president and CEO, Noel Biderman, known as “the King of Infidelity” who had founded the website in 2001 as a means for married men to connect with women online with whom they could discreetly cheat on their spouses. “Our entire model depended on the secrecy of our subscribers’ identities. When our members’ personal identifications were revealed, I expected everything to come crashing down.”

“If it hadn’t been for Josh Duggar’s confession to owning two subscriptions, we’d be done for! Frankly, he turned out to be our best marketing agent.”

Apparently, millions of would-be, hesitant subscribers flooded the website with highly-paid subscriptions once Josh Duggar divulged his activities on the site.

“We’d had the reputation of posting fictitious female accounts on a regular basis in order to attract married men to our site. This reputation prevented many married men from availing themselves to our services. However, the moment Josh Duggar admitted that he’d actually hooked up with dozens of women from our site, millions of married men knew that our site was legitimate and that they’d be assured of freely committing adultery just like Josh Duggar did.

An anonymous subscriber listed as “Theodore Nugent,” completed an on-line evaluation noting, “Hey, if a loser like Josh Duggar can get laid on this site dozens of times, then you KNOW we all can. Pile on, dudes!”

Biderman stated: “Josh Duggar made the mistake of using his own company credit card furnished by Tony Perkin’s Family Research Council. Apparently, the FRC was so enamored with Josh that they gave him an unlimited credit card which was immediately identified in the hacking of our site.”

Biderman breathlessly continued: “Since then, all of our new subscribers learned from Josh Duggar’s idiotic blunders and have signed up with ‘prepaid virtual Visa Cards’ that don’t require any identifying information. We’ve even began supplying our own virtual credit cards, thanks to Josh Duggar’s stupid gaffe. We’ve already made a bundle in add-on fees with these pre-paid cards.”

According to Ashley Madison’s marketing director, subscriptions have increased six-hundredfold due to Josh Duggar’s admission. “Our increased revenue can easily pay for any and all lawsuits that have been levied by the hacking of our site. It’s really ironic, but thanks to Josh Duggar, marriage infidelity will increase unabated and remain profitable for years to come.”

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At 1:01 PM , Blogger jp said...

Love it. "Theodore Nugent" stole the whole story :)


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