Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Stand Up and Holler

"Two bits, four bits, six bits, a dollar
All for the Tigers, stand up and holler!"

I'd usually stay seated with my French horn at that point. If ever I had a "cause" it would be to eliminate the high school football programs in Texas. I'd love to be the Madeline Murray O'Hare of high school football. From a legal standpoint, it would be a slam-dunk.

What does high school football consist of? A couple dozen under-aged kids being cheered on to agressively assault each other as much as possible. If any 200 lb. pound sixteen year-old slammed into pedestrians in the same manner, he'd have scores of felonies on his record and be locked away. And medicated. Yet, entire populations across Texas praise the same activity every Friday night. A town of 3,000 people will turn out en masse and work themselves into a frenzy to watch a dozen kids commit felonious offenses for two hours. Not only that, a small few of these youngsters are awarded full "scholarships" to continue this criminal behavior. Scholarships?? Scholar??? God, please tell me what is remotely scholarly about this?

Let us just imagine how ridiculous the townsfolk would look if they exhibited this behavior toward more lofty pursuits:

1. Durndle, Texas, pop 7,500. Can you see five thousand Durndalians turning out every Friday night to hear piano recitals of twenty high school students?
2. McMaynerbury, Texas, pop. 9,000. Visualize all the parents fervently praying that Jesus will bless the high school choir so that they'll win the state championship.
3. Durndle, Texas, pop 7,500, (again) Imagine those twenty high school pianists being encouraged by the tax-paid faculty to commit numerous felonies each week. In Texas, we call those faculty members "Coach."

And our tax dollars hire as many as we can.


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