So, I immediately went to Whole Foods Market and procured my requisite ten grillion milligrams of flax seeds. (Ten grillion milligrams, by the way, equals “one pound”)
Feeling oh-so-healthy, I took the flax seeds home, just knowing I had warded off the dreaded daily colonoscopy. Then, they sat on my kitchen shelf for six months. How the hell am I supposed to eat flax seeds for crying out loud?
Rather than throw them down the trash chute, I decided to put them to good use.
“I’ll bet pigeons would love them,” I thought. We have LOTS of pigeons in downtown Chicago.
I scattered a handful of seeds on the sidewalk near a lone pigeon. He cocked his head, flew down and began to feast.
Apparently, pigeons have a communication device they employ and that any pigeon within a ten-mile radius can hear. This one pigeon must have sent the word out: “THERE’S FOOD HERE!!”
In less than a minute, a whole hoard of his friends swooped in from all corners of downtown Chicago.
I have no more flax seeds. I missed out on my Omega 3’s.But at least Chicago's pigeons won't have to undergo colonoscopies.
Dude, didn't you know you can sprinkle those on yogurt or mix them into a muffin mix?
ReplyDeleteOh yeah, you don't eat yogurt or muffins. Never mind. You made the pigeons happy, anyway. :)
As Chicago's leading pigeon proctologist, I can't thank you enough.
ReplyDeleteI was gonna say something but the Iwanskis distracted me.
ReplyDeleteWait. You don't eat muffins?
ReplyDeleteIwanski: It's good to hear from the LEADING pigeon proctologist.
ReplyDeleteLorraine: I'd eat a carrot cake muffin. With a fork. Blueberry - No. I think that's what MHP is thinking of.